The Crocodile: Beaty Towers Elevators to be Replaced with Rock Climbing Walls

Note: This article was initially published in the April 2016 issue of the satirical publication The Really Independent Florida Crocodile, as well as its online counterpart. It is satire, and is not meant to be taken as a serious news piece. 


The University of Florida Housing Department announced plans to replace the Beaty Towers elevators with rock climbing walls this Tuesday.

“We’ve just received so many complaints from residents about those elevators in Beaty,” explained Lee Snyder, president of the UF Housing Floor Transportation committee.“It just made sense to get rid of them altogether.”

Students seem excited about the potential change, as so many of them have been victims of the terrible elevator experiences that plague the dorm building.

“One day, the elevator just never showed up when I pressed the button. I was stranded on my floor for hours,” said Sally Wallas, a second-floor resident of the west tower of the dorm complex. “I missed all my classes. And then I eventually had to take the stairs, which was even worse.”

Even when the elevators do work, residents of the hall claim that being inside them is worse than waiting the average 2.5 hours it takes for them to come.

“One day, I stepped in the elevator to find that the entire floor had been eroded by puke,” said Mark Astley, a resident of the east tower. “I had to hang on to the side-rails as I made my way down.”

According to Snyder, rock-wall construction will begin during June, with an expected completion date of May 2020. During this time the officials claim life in the dorms will resume as usual, except Beaty Towers residents will be asked to take the stairs to travel to their floor and are suggested to buy earplugs for the 24-hour construction that will be taking place.

When asked about those who live on the top floors, particularly 10 through 14, Snyder replied, “Silly goose, we don’t have any floors above 10.”

We sent reporters to investigate said claim, and discovered that upon traveling to the upper floors of the complex, you will be faced with a gray abyss.

Scientists later confirmed that this abyss was actually just cannabis smoke.

Julia Davidson, Snyder’s assistant, explained that rock-wall safety instructors are required at all times for students to climb. Therefore, they will be stationed by the wall entrances from 10 a.m to 2 p.m every Monday, Wednesday, and every other Friday. Any other times they suggest the students “find a friend” to help out.

It is rumored, but not confirmed, that the stairs will be replaced with inflatable waterslides.


The Tab: UF Law School Maintains Top-Tier Ranking

Note: This article was initially published on the news site The Tab on 4/26/16.


The University of Florida’s Levin College of Law maintained its top-tier ranking in U.S. News and World Report’s list of the best law schools in the nation. Out of the 205 competitors, Levin ranked 48.

“Our faculty is just fantastic,” said Silvia Menendez, a senior legal skills professor at Levin.

However, faculty wasn’t her only praise for the college. She said Levin places a major emphasis on writing skills and has one of the strongest legal writing programs in the nation.

Law student Britney Ladd, a senior at Levin, credited the college with having the best return on investment. This return is what she said drove her to leave her Chicago residence to study in Florida.

Joshua Klafter- Photo 3 (1)

“I already have a guaranteed job after I graduate, so I’m very happy,” she said.

While 48 is still considered to be top-tier by U.S. News and World Report’s standards, Menendez said she wishes the score could have been higher. Levin fell behind this year, ranking one point lower than its 2015 position.

“Because Florida is this little peninsula that just sits out there, I think we get forgotten by the rest of the country- unless something weird happens, of course,” she said.

Joshua Klafter- Photo 1 (1)

She credited the college’s semester in practice program with helping to combat this issue of obscurity. This program allows senior law students to work at a firm outside Florida, while still receiving course credit. “You get more of a national reputation when your lawyers are out there,” she said.

Both Menendez and Ladd credit the new dean, Laura Rosenbury, with improving their program.

Ladd said Rosenbury both increased the applicant pool, and decreased the acceptance rate. She said these changes will lead to an increase in rank for Levin.

According to Ladd, this rank increase isn’t a possibility. She said being ranked higher next year is a guarantee.

Turlington Hall- A UF Mystery

GAINESVILLE- Turlington Hall at the University of Florida is home to hallways saturated with classrooms and faculty offices. However, the doors aren’t always locked when the last professor leaves at night. Students have turned Turlington Hall into their own personal night-time study center, regardless of the two libraries that border the building.

“Turlington is nice and quiet, much less hectic than Marston,” said Brett Nelson, an aerospace engineering major at UF.

He was using a classroom on the second floor to study for an exam with his classmates Jaren Bannerman, Robert Sheppard and Joshua Manley.

The four engineers in training all discovered that Turlington Hall was a place they could use for studying in similar ways. Either through curiosity after exiting a filled-to-capacity Marston Science Library, or through word of mouth from a friend.

The frequent lack of space in the Marston Science Library isn’t the only reason why these four students say they use Turlington Hall as their primary study location.

“It’s a guaranteed chalkboard vs. Marston’s markers that don’t really work,” said Bannerman.

The four students said they have never been forced to leave Turlington Hall. They compared to the room reservation system at the Marston Science Library, which they say has lead them to be forced out frequently.


Despite multiple Turlington Hall rooms being filled with studying students every weeknight, something else occurs on the building’s second floor every Friday and Saturday.

“It’s basically the prime location to play Smash at,” said Christ Critelli, an electrical engineering student at UF

By Smash, Critelli is referring to the video game series Super Smash Brothers.

While players surrounded him, cheering and shouting amidst their individual battles, Critelli explained that the Gator Gaming club plays the competitive fighting game in Turlington every Friday and Saturday.

“It has a lot of outlets, chairs, and no one kicks you out,” said Benjamin Braverman, another Super Smash Brothers player and UF student.

Both Critelli and Braverman cited the building’s central position on campus and guaranteed unlocked doors as reasons why they play at Turlington Hall.

“We have to carry TVs, which are about 40 pounds each,” Braverman said. “Since Turlington is central, it’s fairly close to every parking lot.”

Both Braverman and Critelli said they were unsure when students began to play Super Smash Brothers in Turlington Hall, as they both heard about the league through word of mouth.

“We’re just playing, having fun,” said Critelli.

Assignment 4- Photo

Critelli and Braverman said they don’t use Turlington Hall to study, but may consider it in the future.

Regardless of what they use the building for, Turlington Hall has become a hotspot for students every night of the week. Although students have individual reasons for using the building at night, there are still some unanswered questions. A definitive locking schedule and point of origin as to when students began to use the building remain a mystery.


An audio slidewshow complement:

A video interview complement:

Why Oshiete! Galko-chan is Good

Oshiete! Galko-chan has come to the close of its first, and probably last season. Upon completion, I logged onto MyAnimeList, and gave it a rating of 6 (fine). A 6 is just that, fine. It’s not great, but it’s definitely not bad.

However, I ask myself, why do I keep on thinking about this show, days after I finished it? A slice of life high school comedy with an 8-minute runtime has no right to keep my mind this active. Before upping its rating to a 7/10 (good), I want to take a look at this show, and get to the bottom of what makes it good.

The obvious factor that comes to mind is the main character. There is no denying that Galko is extremely attractive. No, I am not talking about her “assets”. Her personality is exceptionally intriguing. Despite aesthetically appearing as your typical blonde popular high school girl, Galko does not fit that archetype at all. She doesn’t care what anyone thinks, and does only what she wants to do. From staying up all night watching anime, to defying the clique system of her school by composing her friend group with a quiet otaku and the class president, Galko is no ordinary girl.

So is the show good just because of Galko’s personality? Well, yes and no. The idea that Galko is more than meets the eye isn’t just my opinion, but is made evident in the show through other characters. I am going to take the time to focus in on the character Charao.

Despite being popular, generically handsome, and having a girlfriend already, Charao does not stop thinking about Galko. Almost every conversation he has with his friends centers around her. He looks at her not just with aesthetic taste in mind, but as an enigmatic person. His extreme attraction to her is a mystery he just can’t seem to comprehend.

This is made extremely evident in in the episode where Galko comes to school wearing a man’s shirt. Charao, despite having a loving girlfriend who he spends a lot of time with, feels immense jealousy towards a man he has not met. He makes the assumption that Galko, being a typical popular girl aesthetically, had spent the night with a man, and didn’t go home before the next school day. He ponders this jealousy the entire episode, unsure why it even exists. Eventually, it is revealed that Galko sometimes wears men’s shirts because they fit her better. This leaves Charao relieved; his friends find him sitting alone with a big smile on his face.

Charao, despite making assumptions about Galko, knew deep down that she was not that kind of girl. Therefore, his jealousy wasn’t a pure mindset. It was a concoction of jealousy and unconscious curiosity.

So, as you can see, what makes this anime good is not just Galko herself. It is the other characters’ ideas and responses about Galko’s behavior. The commentary and reactions we receive from the ensemble of her classmates serve as a lens to reflect the ideas and thoughts of the viewer. The viewer, by no fault of their own, but by the fault of mainstream media, is tricked to think that the blonde, well endowed high schooler is the typical popular girl archetype. However, Galko’s classmates fall prey to this assumption as well. Therefore, it adds a unique element of relatability to the show. This isn’t in the form of a particular character, but of a mass of non-developed characters. Oshiete! Galko-chan is one of the few pieces of media in which the non-development of characters is a strong suit. Through bland background characters that we don’t know much about, we can place ourselves in their position. The viewer essentially becomes a classmate of Galko, and views her from that perspective.

I would not call Oshiete! Galko-chan a genius show. In fact, I believe that all of what I have discussed is just analysis on my part, and has no authorial intent behind it. Oshiete! Galko-chan is a show that was created to be a typical high school slice of life comedy. However, it inadvertently did much more than that; it became good.